Finding Forgiveness on Mother’s Day May 9, 08

I went shopping today for a Mother’s Day card to send to my biological mom who lives about 400 miles away.

Maybe it was that I didn’t take the time to go to several other stores to pick out a card but I really had a hard time trying to find a card that put the sentiments of how I feel about my mom into words. Nowadays, there seems to be a card for every kind of relationship known to man but for the life of me, as I went through card after card at the store, I could not find one that represented me.

See, to me, my biological mother isn’t my “mom” because she didn’t raise me. I was raised by my grandmother. She is the one who fed and clothed me, took care of me when I was sick, worked hard to make sure I had a good education and sat up with me nights. She is the woman I call “mom.” 

Because I grew up feeling that my biological mom didn’t want me, even though she has always been in my life to a lesser degree, for many years, I had great bitterness towards her for not having been the mother I felt she was to supposed to be. A lot of that anger has dissipated over the last few years as I have come to understand more about the circumstances behind why she didn’t raise me and also as I have grown as a Christian who seeks to practice forgiveness even when my feelings don’t agree.

My biological mom and I have a much better relationship than we used to thanks to my relationship with Jesus Christ. I think I can safely say we’ve become friends. We talk, I go to visit her….but trying to find a card for her today was difficult. I felt some of the old resentment welling up inside of me as I read through all the different lines of prose: “Mom, I love you because you’ve always been there for me…”

Nope, that wasn’t her.

“Mom, you’re the best mother a daughter could wish for…”

NOT!

“For a woman of faith and courage on Mother’s Day…”

Toss that one back in the bin.

Nothing I read rang true of our relationship. I started thinking maybe I should just get a blank card, write “Happy Mother’s Day” in it and leave it at that. That old ex-friend, resentment started whispering in my ear that I shouldn’t even worry about sending a Mother’s Day card. She never did anything for me. She wasn’t there when I needed her. Now that I’m an adult she wants to be a part of my life when all the raising is over?! She doesn’t deserve a card!

But then another voice…a still, small one, broke in and said, “Daughter, don’t be that way. Forgive. Get your mother a card for the simple reason that she had you.”

As I thought about it, it made sense. My biological mom may not have been the mother I wanted when I was a child, but she did have me. She carried me for nine months and went through the labor pains to bring me into the world. She was young when she became pregnant with me, still a teenager. She could have decided not to go through with the pregnancy. But she didn’t and for that, if nothing else, I suppose I should be grateful to her. She’s come a long way from the woman that she was and just as Jesus forgave me, I know I must forgive her her mistakes, make peace with the past and continue to forge a healthy relationship. So, after searching a while longer through a sea of endless greeting cards, I finally found one that seemed appropriate.

As I was leaving the store with my card, I started thinking about all the people like myself who didn’t have the mom they wanted. But as I thought about it, I realized that there are other people out there whose moms are gone. There are people who would give ANYTHING just to have one more hug, one more conversation, with their mom. For them, Mother’s Day is no doubt difficult and bittersweet. My mom is still alive. She’s still here and even though she wasn’t the best mother, she is my mother and I realize I need to make the most of the time I have with her because it is precious. The past is over. It doesn’t have to regulate our future. We’re both older and (a little) wiser.

The fifth commandment states, ‘honor your mother and father that all may go well with you.’ -Exodus 20:12

Forgiveness, that ‘F’ word, is not easy. But it is necessary. Without it, I cannot show honor which means I cannot be blessed. Well, I want to walk in the fullness of God’s blessings, so I guess I’ll be becoming more familiar with forgiveness this Mother’s Day and probably a few more Mother’s Days to come…

How about you?